A Season of Shaking

Well - hello friends! It’s been a few weeks since I last posted, and I think I’d better let you in on what’s been going on in my life. No tragedies, no major upheavals (at least outwardly) - but some changes nonetheless. It’s deeply true that internal changes are often far more monumental in the shaping of our lives than external ones; perhaps I need to explain.

I’ve noted in my own life-journey, most especially in those areas of life that are the inner journey of the heart and soul, that this bone-deep life of faith unfolds in natural rhythms, in cycles predictable - and yet- not. When I look back in time to where I’ve been, to what I’ve done, and how my spiritual journey has unfolded, I see clearly the rhythms of the seasons in my life that naturally evolved. I realized early on it was useless to fight these natural rhythms; God’s calling me up and into a new experience, into a new paradigm of relationship and existence was far stronger than any fear of change I might have harbored deep within.

And when these seasons come, they shake my very foundation - those hidden nooks and crannies in my psyche, heart and soul. It’s akin to an earthquake that brings down what hasn’t been firmly established, toppling idols, cracking facades, breaking fragile assumptions, while allowing only those things that have been built upon a deep rock of faith and love to remain standing. These seasons dredge up old wounds, difficult memories; they uncover the questions and conundrums I keep hidden away; they reveal the pushed-away “why’s” of life’s more difficult experiences, and set off aftershocks of doubts and questions that leave me dazed, frazzled, off-kilter.

Ah! But no worries. I’ve also learned that when these seasons occur - which they do about once every 10 or 15 years - God is ever present to walk with me toward the sifting through of that inner rubble, to help me see what needs to be forever let go, and to keep the shards of something that may have been broken, but that can be reclaimed and refashioned once again into something new and wonderful - and yes, holy.

For these truly are very holy seasons. There is no growth, no inner peace, no increase in faith without these sacred bits of time in which the inner world is shaken. I don’t like them, but I welcome them because once I’ve weathered the season, I am renewed. Refreshed. I am stronger within, yet gentler. I am wiser, yet more child-like in my faith. My joy increases and mellows, burnished in the shaking and the moving of Spirit and love. Yes; these seasons shake my very foundation; but I always emerge - renewed with God’s amazing grace into a new, slightly better version of “me”; each time a more authentic self revealed.

So these past weeks? They have been the culmination of several months of spiritual wrestling for me; a time of inner quaking and the toppling of old ways of thinking; of sorting through the mental and spiritual rubble; of throwing out the bent and broken relics accumulated in former seasons; a time of shifting into a newer, gentler me. Painful? Yes - at times it has been. It’s not easy letting go of a once cherished idea, or a long-held bitter-root wounding. But the quiet peace of an inner heart swept clean, of a mind relieved of at least some of its prideful and iron-fisted thoughts - that is the reward of hard work in the seasons of shaking.

As Jesus said, no winemaker puts new wine into old wineskins; if you do, then the old wineskins break open and you lose both the new wine and the wineskins. No, you put new wine into new wineskins, for then the new wine is preserved and allowed to age into a better wine of greater value. It’s very relevant to this concept of seasons. Entering a new season requires getting rid of the old wineskins of our old ways, our dysfunctional thinking, our ancient hurts, our festering heart-wounds. If we desire to experience a new season of peace, to enjoy the “new wine” that is provided in each new season, then we need to get rid of our old wineskins and get new ones that can accommodate His grace, His forgiveness, His love. I believe that God, in these holy seasons of shaking up our hearts and souls, gives each of us that opportunity. Each new season provides us with yet another chance to receive new wine, another chance to become all that God has always intended us to be - His beloved ones.

This blog will change a little as I begin to flow in the grace of a new season. My “new wine” is heady, exciting, and overflowing. You’ve surely noticed that I wasn’t writing each week; that was because, in large part, I was meditating and reflecting and studying and seeking. It’s what these seasons are all about, and though difficult times to walk through, they are welcome intruders that never fail to change my heart.

Now? I sense the old season ebbing away, leaving me a little bit changed, a little more gentle, a little more loving. And maybe - just maybe - a little wiser. And my hope is that some of my heart-changes will be reflected in this blog. Part of my resolve is to be more true to my heart, more honest in my reflections; and that some of the wisdom I’ve gained in my study, in my readings and through my contemplation will somehow overflow into this space, and bring you all greater blessing.

Till next week, then. If you have thoughts to share, I’d love to hear them. Let me know of your own seasons, of your own times of shaking and tumbling. There is always strength and growth in sharing our hearts.