A Cup of Tea Across the Table
There are weeks when penning this blog is easy. The ideas flow, the words seem to magically appear on the screen, and when finished, I sit back with a self-satisfied sigh, and not a little bit of wonder: “Just where did that come from?”
And then. There’s last week. And this week. And the blank snow-white of the screen, of my mind. I have plenty of thoughts at 3:30am, of course, but I don’t have the fortitude to climb out of my warm bed to venture out into the chilly house and write down those amazing ideas. I think - “oh, I’ll remember that in the morning for sure!”. And of course, I don’t.
Such weeks as these recent ones are the times when my ego is kicked down a notch or two, and I’m forced to admit that, like most all writers, this craft is a difficult one indeed. Inspiration is a gift, one I believe that comes directly from God Himself with great generosity and love. I’ve come to realize as well that often, it is the receiver that is defective - not the One who generates the signal. Sometimes I’m just not in the right place, or the right time, or the right frame of mind to receive inspiration, insight, revelation.
I think I’m in just such a time - smack in the midst of a cold, cloudy January. You know, that time of year with too-short days that deliver precious little sunshine, and too-cold temperatures that keep all but the bravest of souls inside by the warm fire, dreaming of warmer climes and sunshine-flowing days. There’s not much flowing from my virtual pen these days.
Still, I determined that I would sit down before my screen and see what comes. I’ll be transparent, vulnerable, opening up myself to those who’ve read these posts faithfully and have generously shared their thoughts and impressions with me, and be honest about just where I am today. This week. This month.
I believe the creative process flows much as we do, waxing and waning with our spirit, in tune with our lives and loves and energy. Sometimes my creativity gets railroaded into other endeavors. I work part time as a nurse attorney, and the majority of my job requires analysis of medical care, and the writing up of reports of expert physicians, medical research, and the hard evidence of what type of care is delivered. It is a far different sort of writing than this blog; it is scientific, legal, rigid, analytical - but requires creative energy nonetheless. Most weeks, the transition from one type of writing to another is easy, seamless, filled with grace abounding. But some weeks, not so much. It’s as if the reserve of words and thoughts has sunk so low there’s not enough to go around, not enough words left to fill the screen - never mind words that matter.
And so, this week is simply an honest sharing over a cup of tea at the kitchen table that this writer is running low on words - at least this week. And that’s not a “bad” thing in and of itself. It is simply part of the creative process that ebbs and flows. I’m sure my own concerns over social and political issues; about family and friends and dear ones who are struggling with all manner of challenges hasn’t helped to nurture my creative energies. After all, our minds and hearts have great capacity to love and care, but we do have our human limitations. Sometimes, we simply cannot do more after we’ve done what we have to do.
It is far better to admit to being fallible, and to be gentle with oneself— and that is the message I want to share. These are hard times, and the daily headlines can sometimes cause us to lose focus. So I have a few suggestions on how to cope on days when it is just too hard to put a foot in front of the other; when it is hard to just write your grocery list, never mind accomplish any great thing:
Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge when it’s a difficult day. Admit it when things are hard, when it all seems too much, and pull back. Beating ourselves up over not being able to meet a deadline or pretending everything is just fine won’t work in the long run; it will simply exhaust us.
Embrace the difficult days. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but be present to your own discord, your exhaustion within, your sadness. Acknowledge that you are feeling out of balance, out of touch, and do a little bit of self-care. Take a walk; read a silly book; take a nap; journal about how you’re feeling. Difficult days won’t run on forever. Life is seasonal, both literally and figuratively. Hibernating on a difficult day isn’t running away; it’s good self-care.
Take time for solitude. Pray. Simply sit with God and let Him minister to your heart. He’s an amazing listener, a great Lover of your soul. It only costs you a few minutes of your day.
Know that God never expects us to be perfect; His only expectation is “to be”. At the end of the day, He’s perfectly fine with you just as you are; He’s ok with me just as I am. It’s called love.