Doing "Grateful" In Pandemic Times

Things are tense. As we cruise into the 2020 holiday season, we see that the kickoff of Thanksgiving is just around the corner… and- what? .. it’s like a slap in the face. Really? Give thanks? You’ve gotta be kidding. We can barely wrap our heads around the onslaught of difficult and sad and tragic in these troubled times, and yet. Still. Right here on the calendar, it says - Thanksgiving.

Tada!

Give Thanks! Be Grateful!

I read a lot of cooking blogs: the New York Times cooking section. Blogs from home cooks, farm cooks, elegant cooks, “skinny” cooking cooks, bread bakers; cooking for one, cooking for two. And in them all, the tone of the season has been dialed back, no rowdy call to entertain your neighborhood, or hold crazy “Friendsgivings”. It’s like the season has been muffled quiet, a blanket of “heavy” settling in, over the river and through the woods. The cooks, the bakers, the bloggers all quietly put forth recipes to celebrate for one (“because it’s important to mark a day of thanks, even when it’s just you and your cat”); for two (“the counting of blessings is even more important when you celebrate each other”); the pared-down cocktail hours around a fire-pit with proper social distancing and masks; gatherings like “BYOB” … not bring your own bottle, but “Bring Your Own Blanket”. They whisper-quiet of a new kind of stuffing, or a whittled-down version of turkey (braised turkey legs, anyone?). It’s like we are all tip-toeing around the shared angst of a country that is weary to the bone, desperate to connect. There’s the very real - and appropriate - sense that though we want to celebrate our favorite, iconic American holiday with the same abandon and passion of years past, the reality of Thanksgiving 2020 renders our shadowy memories of those bygone Thanksgivings like Hallmark cards that have gone out of date. The images have faded, now fuzzy, out of focus. And anyway, they are too painful.

How to cope? How to look beyond this 2020 year and mark this Thanksgiving with honest gratitude, not with the hype of turkey (though you can be sure there’ll be one on my table, even though my usual 22 guests has dwindled down to immediate family only), but with a heart that is truly filled with gratitude?

No matter how terrible this year has been (and I’ve had my fair share of heartache and loss this year, so I’m not speaking out of turn), there is always something to be grateful for. I’ve been accused many times of being a ‘Pollyanna”, always looking on the positive side of things, discounting the unpleasant. That’s sort of true; but there’s more to it than pretending the “bad” of life doesn’t exist. It’s all about what you focus on. Paul says it best: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” [1] It’s not that I ignore the bad. I don’t. I see it, I read it. I mourn, or get angry, or get anxious. I process it, I pray through it. And then? I move on. I turn my thoughts to what is good and pure and lovely.

And then? My heart slows. My breath sweeps in and out in a quiet cadence of acceptance. It’s not being an optimist, it’s having the faith that says no matter how bad things get, my faith outweighs the worldly evidence of whatever crises or chaos is at hand. I focus on Him, on He that is good. He that is wise. I know that I’ll never figure it all out, so I move on. As my good friend, a recent widow has often shared with me, her husband’s favorite saying was, “Go about your business”, and when she is overwhelmed with sorrow, I’ll remind her, “now - as Jim would say, let’s go about our business.” It’s a reminder to both of us that the world and its problems won’t go away, but when we focus on what is good, we have the energy to “go about our business.”

And second? again from Paul. “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and in everything give thanks…” [2]

In everything give thanks. All things. The totality of things - not just the good, or the pure, or the kind; but give thanks in the bad and the ugly times, the painful, difficult and hard times. Give thanks when you’ve lost your job, or your best friend, or your spouse. Give thanks when you are sick, when your child is sick. Give thanks when you are devastated, undone. Just. Give. Thanks.

Crazy? Maybe. But consider that gratitude is an attitude of the heart. It has nothing to do with circumstances. Considering that Paul wrote that last verse chained in a Roman prison, awaiting execution, it’s not like he was unaware of hard times and difficulties. If we gave thanks only when it was easy, when we had everything we wanted; when we had no suffering or heartaches, or losses or illness - then what would be the point? There is no deep core of faith or truth in that kind of gratitude; it is vapid and insubstantial. And it gains us nothing.

Real gratitude has dirty hands, a broken heart, an empty belly, but smiles in spite of it all. The true heart of gratitude is frayed around the edges with the hard work of loving, but goes on loving and giving - no matter what.

Is this easy? Of course not. But it is possible, and oh! what a difference it makes.

Gratitude in the face of hardship refines our hearts. A heart of gratitude reshapes us into men and women who persevere, who are strong in all circumstances because our faith has trumped our earthy realities. Gratitude in the face of deep pain and hardship is how we become wise, for in this attitude of thanksgiving, we don’t yearn for how things should have been, or how they should be; we stand in the midst of the reality of hardship and chaos, and thank God for His blessings - no matter how few, no matter how small, simply because they are His blessings to us.

I think this year’s Thanksgiving may come to be more meaningful to many simply because it has been such hard year. I think people will reach down deep inside their very souls, determined to wring out the hard truth of gratitude. The sheer difficulty of giving thanks in such hard times ups the anty, making the prayer of thanks far more than just a nod to tradition, or a pretty gesture of thanks, but I believe digging through the shards of broken lives, lost relationships, economic, racial and emotional struggle… and the coming up with a precious stone of a forgotten memory, a true and heart-felt “something” to be thankful for… will change the day into one of peace, into one that brings true joy in the thanksgiving.

May you and yours be greatly blessed on this Thanksgiving Day.

[1] Phillipians 4:8 NASB
[2] 1 Thess. 5:18 NASB