How Do We Forgive in the Face of Seething Anger?

It seems to me that in these times of turmoil, forgiveness is in very short supply.  Although most of us live below the furious turmoil of politics, the current climate of the country cannot help but affect us in deep and visceral ways.  Just like the powerful winds of a turbulent storm can cause ocean waves to crash upon the shore with incredible fury, they also deeply affect the microsystems deep below the ocean’s surface. So, too, are the after-effects of political and societal storms - they crash upon our emotional shores with turbulence and abandon - not just on the surface, but deep within our minds and hearts.

I don’t remember a time when I’ve been more convinced that we are a society that has forgotten how to forgive, that has left forgiveness far behind - and there has been no greater need for forgiveness than in these turbulent days.  And certainly, this discussion about forgiveness is somewhat different than forgiving on a personal basis, though that is always relevant. But - this forgiveness?  ..what I’m talking about today?  This is a corporate, societal problem.  Society’s deep anger and unrest run deep and foul, a malignancy run amok.

Briefly,  I watched the videos of those who angrily stormed the Capital on January 6th.  I’m not one to watch the news, but the scenes were much too disturbing not to at least  take a few moments to watch history unfold - even if it was deeply disturbing. If one looked beyond the flags, the combat fatigues, the weapons, the sneers; if one looked beyond the collective mob to the individual faces, there upon each countenance glowed a heated anger that surged forth with such energy and power, it was frightening.

I saw anger. So much anger! How had we, as a nation, become this angry, this filled with hatred for the other? The political pundits will dissect and analyze the events of last Wednesday ad nauseam for years to come, but this goes far deeper than politics. This is a matter of the heart; our individual hearts, yes - but our collective national heart as well. Although political analysis will reach very different conclusions - and propose various solutions, I believe it’s a far more complex, yet simple issue: we’ve forgotten how to forgive. Or perhaps, we’ve reached a point where we refuse to forgive. It’s basic, but reaches to the heart of the matter.

Forgiveness. There’s a reason Jesus taught that forgiveness was an “over and over again” concept (Matthew 18:21-22). There is no end to the need to forgive, because we are each of us— Each. Of. Us. Fallible, broken, wounded, imperfect. We forgive because we are no different than the one we forgive.

And that’s a difficult thing for many of us. We don’t see ourselves as perpetuating a wrong; we are the wronged. We don’t see ourselves as inflicting pain, we are the ones being hurt. And that is the basic problem with unrequited anger - there is never the recognition that behaviors that disrespect and dishonor others are two-way streets: we all do it. We are all guilty of it - guilty of not seeing the warts and bumps on our own noses, but magnifying and highlighting the warts and bumps of others. Without a healthy dose of self-awareness, and yes, humility, the problem of anger and hatred will continue to foment and grow, a malignancy destroying the heart of our society.

Forgiveness. It’s relegated to the halls of churches and theology classes, but rarely brought into our messy everyday lives. Our mindset often is that forgiveness is up to him, up to her, up to the “other” in our lives that has harmed us, hurt us, ignored us, failed to hear us, wounded us - we can compile a list of offenses long and loud and lasting. It’s not us, it’s them.

Forgiveness is far more than a moral lesson from the Bible. Forgiveness is about emotional survival, about healthy relationships, about the growth and wellbeing of my heart. I cannot love well if I have not forgiven. It’s the root of moving forward toward being at ease in my skin, at peace in my heart, in love with the world.

To forgive well is the difference between living well, and not living at all. To forgive well brings me to a place of acceptance of not only who I am, muddy footprints and all, but to accept that my family, my friends, the rude cashier, the annoying telemarketer, the aggressive driver of the other car - that they are just like me. Their muddy footprints may look slightly different than mine, but we both track the mud into the house.

To forgive in the midst of seething anger is to make a choice. I must consciously decide to forgive whatever the transgression is - whether an unfaithful spouse, a rebellious child, an abusive parent, a friend that is no longer friend, an enemy that has deeply shattered peace and wellbeing. It is a conscious choice to forgive another who’s actions and behavior I find offensive, disrespectful, unacceptable. Forgiveness is first and foremost a decision, not a feeling. If I wait until I “feel” like forgiving, I will never forgive.

To forgive is to let go of my selfish desire to be right, to be first, to be loved…to be or have whatever it is I believe I’m entitled to. To forgive is to let go of me, and allow the “other” to come first, to allow his or her or them to enter the place in my mind and heart that was previously occupied by #1 - the “me” of my world.

To forgive is not easy. It it were easy, this world of ours would be vastly different— but to forgive is the right thing to do in every situation, no matter the context.

To forgive begins to dismantle the bitter root of anger and hatred, and allows us to move forward into the process of healing, of loving. To forgive brings us to a place where we’ve let go of our hurts - real and imagined - and concentrate instead on something - anything - other than ourselves.

To forgive clears out my emotional and mental space - that space that was once occupied by my bitter tears and my self-fueling anger. To forgive is like cleaning house, or decluttering - it opens up space in my heart so that I can breathe more easily. And in the breathing? I can smile again. I can love again.

Jesus gave us great wisdom when he told Peter to forgive seventy times seven. The number seven in Scripture indicates wholeness, perfection. Peter probably thought he was giving the good and right answer: forgiving seven times was the perfect amount. But Jesus raised the stakes for Peter and the disciples: not only seven times, but forgiving seventy times seven - taking Peter’s proffered “perfection” and multiplying it beyond imagination. Jesus was saying we can never forgive enough; we will never forgive enough. There is no end to forgiveness. There will always be a call to forgive. Again and again. And again.

In a world gone mad, seventy times seven sounds like a good start.

*Today’s picture is a vase of white tulips, a symbol of forgiveness, not only asking for forgiveness, but the giving of it. Maybe today is the day you send someone a bouquet of white tulips. Just because.