From Martha to Mary

When I tell someone I’m retired, the inevitable, never-fail question is, “So, what do you DO?” I’m not kidding. Every. Single. Time.

And when I don’t have a rock-solid answer like “Oh! I do some consulting”; or “I volunteer at the food pantry”; or “I have a part-time job doing x”, their eyes widen with barely disguised shock. I’ve learned to expect it. Depending on who asks, I might go into the list of things I thought I’d be doing at this stage (volunteering at the local hospice, or teaching quilting classes on a regular basis), but for the most part, I’ve learned to keep it simple. “I do whatever needs doing on any particular day. I quilt, I garden, I read, I cook, I take walks.” And still - that look of disbelief, that sense I get that somehow, I’ve failed to meet their expectations of what retirement should look like.

There have been many (many) books written on retirement; the finances, the planning, the timing, the changes, …the things to be done during retirement, but other than the financial planning to make the transition, I’ve not felt the need to plan the activities of my retirement in the same way I planned my career, or my family, or the myriad of things that I did in my middle-years of life. It has not seemed necessary.

I have pondered this issue of “retirement” for much of the past year - this transition from a working nurse-attorney to a fully-retired woman “of a certain age”. I’ve tried a few things (like those mentioned above), but for various reasons out of my control, they did not work out; and except for the initial disappointment (which one of us “planners” takes kindly to carefully-laid plans gone amuck?), I’ve been perfectly fine living my days, one at a time. I can best describe it as having transitioned from “Martha” to “Mary” - those well-known Biblical sisters of Lazarus who highlight the contrast between being a doer and being a sitter.

I was a Martha, no question about it. I planned out my own and my family’s life with military precision: school, career, meals, shopping, entertaining; the kids’ schooling, extracurricular activities and camps; family vacations and our “couple” weekends away. We participated fully in our church life, my husband and I engaged in whatever roles were needed, for multiple ministries over the years, fully committed to faith life for our own sakes as well as the kids’. I loved entertaining: there were church groups and family celebrations and holidays and reunions (and some funeral receptions, sadly) constantly in play. For each season there was a plan, and I took great pride in putting it all together.

I’ve come to understand, however, that for me, the “Martha” season has come and gone, and in my life-season today, I I’ve been called to be “Mary”. I simply want to be, to abide, to live in the moment for the sake of the moment. I’ve been called to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen.

It’s true that in today’s fast-paced world, action, planning, and busy-ness are valued and appreciated, but I’ve come to understand that, at least in this season, that is not always so. Sometimes, the quiet way is the better way. It is also very true that this particular season is not the call for everyone. We need Marthas in our life just as much as Marys. Many (like my husband) are fully fulfilled in the ongoing engagement with the working world. His gifts are many, and his fulfillment is in using them at this time of life— leading, solving problems and mentoring his work team. Will that change for him? Maybe. Will my current life-season change in the future? Maybe. We are never guaranteed that our current season will last, nor do we know how long it will last. We can only try to be faithful to the season we are in, and pray to know if and when a change might come.

There’s a holy tension, though, in Mary’s posture. In our world, sitting is not looked upon kindly; it is seen as lazy, passive …a non-productive posture. But sitting at the feet of Jesus is much more than a passive stance in which we do nothing; it is an active posture of listening, of paying attention to the One speaking. Sitting is a position of receiving - whatever is available to us from The Teacher in any given moment. Sitting is also very much a posture of service, of giving up of one’s self to the good of another— a quiet yet reciprocal heart-stance that conveys an openness and willingness to be fully available to another for whatever they need: a listening ear, a prayer, a word of encouragement. Sitting implies patient waiting, servitude, full attention to the other.

Mary’s posture of sitting at Jesus’ feet was appreciated by Him: he told Martha that Mary had chosen the better way: “Martha, Martha… only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen what is best, and it will not be taken away from her.” [1] You can hear in Jesus’ words a gentle, loving rebuke, a plea to see that being in service, being available comes in many forms. Sometimes, it looks like nothing we expect. Sometimes, it’s simply sitting.

In this season, I’m learning that at least for now, for me, I have chosen the better way, the one thing that is needful. My rhythms are quiet but sure. My days are filled with creativity through writing, quilting and knitting (and gardening when I’m able). I spend time with friends, encouraging them and processing life. I have space for more time with my adult children and grandchildren, available to be with them when circumstances allow. I read all manner of books. I have more time to do things for my husband, and with my husband, strengthening and enriching our long relationship more now than ever before. My rhythms of prayer are vibrant, consistent, filled with joy.

It is a season rich with Presence and peace. It is a season of fulfillment and quiet. It is a season I intend to fully embrace and enjoy. For now.

[1] John 10:41-42 CEV