What Do You See....?

I’m sure you’ve all seen a picture of Rubin’s Vase Ambiguous Figure- you know, the one where you see a vase, but if you stare long enough, the picture of two faces staring at each other emerge, formed by the outline of the vase. (To me, they always look like they’re about to kiss.) I’m not going to even attempt to discuss all of the “gestalt” musings that have been suggested by these types of images, also called illusion tests, or Rorschach inkblot tests (or any variation thereof). Suffice to say it provides a good introduction to my thoughts today:

When we look out at the world, at a person, at a situation, what do we see? Do we see a vase? or two lovers about to kiss? Does it matter?

It is a sad truth that we rarely see what is in front of us with any accuracy. There is always bias, a predetermined conclusion reached by our brains, based on upbringing, schooling, and years of culture and stereotyping. Our bias is also formed by our wounds, our triumphs, our fears. Our minds are well-programmed to see what we want to see, what we expect to see, or what we have always seen.

We see. We judge. We react. We are the sum total of what we’ve already seen and experienced, as processed by our minds.

Years ago, a very dear friend who had become a confidante was moving away. 3000 miles away, and I was devastated. This friend had gotten me through much difficulty and heart-ache, and I was at a loss as to how I would cope without having someone to talk to, to listen, to help me process my struggles and fears and worries. So I prayed. I prayed that God would lead me to another woman-friend, someone who could eventually step into that friend’s shoes, someone who would be able to hold my hand as I navigated some deep waters in my life.

The person God put in my path was a total surprise. I knew of her, of course. She was in my church, but I didn’t know her very well, and I sure didn’t feel comfortable around her. She was a force to be reckoned with in the church. She was in charge of everything, knew everyone, led bible studies, manned the coffee urn on Sundays after service, was the center of the women’s ministry group. Even her nails were picture-perfect! Surely this was not the person God wanted me to reach out to for friendship. He was clearly wrong, and I argued with him for awhile, but to no avail. Eventually, I obediently reached out to this woman, and invited her to join me for dinner one night; and after 3 hours of sharing a pizza, some wine, and our hearts, a friendship was born that became deep, lasting and fulfilling. We discovered we were more alike than we could have imagined, and our friendship grew and remained strong for 30 years- until she passed away nearly 9 months ago, leaving a space in my heart that was beautifully shaped, just like her.

I had made some judgments about her. I was so wrong.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I were welcoming in a new class to our marriage seminar. A very large, very dark man arrived, larger than life, with a larger than life voice that boomed deep and low. He didn’t smile, but simply said, “Hi. I’m Big Jake*” And my goodness, he WAS big! towering over me by at least a foot! And a bit scary. And I was intimidated, a bit put off. But I smiled and welcomed him, unsure of how to proceed; he was like no other person I’d encountered. Little did I realize what a loving and sweet man this person was, what a true teddy-bear heart he had to everyone around him, what an amazing husband and father he is. Today? He always welcomes me with a big bear-hug, and a big smile, and his deep-booming “hey!”. I’ve come to love him as a dear friend.

I had made some judgments about him. I was so wrong.

What do you see when you look at others you don’t know? the black stranger plugged into his AirPods on the train? the homeless gray-haired lady in the park, wearing dirty clothes, talking crazy? the much-tattooed teen, navigating crazily on a skateboard along the sidewalk? the biker-guy that passes you in a blurry streak on the highway? the screaming images of angry people on TV news, attending a rally for a cause you don’t understand… don’t agree with?

What do you see?

Jesus taught about the importance of seeing rightly. In his famous (though uncomfortable) words to his disciples, he said “if your eye is causing you to sin, tear it out and throw it away from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell.” [Matt. 18:9] Traditionally, this has been interpreted to refer to sins of lust and flesh, but I think Jesus was talking about a lot more than just flipping through a Playboy magazine, or watching an unsavory movie. He was much more concerned about our hearts, about our constant default to seeing only what we wanted to see; our propensity to seeing others framed through our own hardened hearts of prejudice, hatred, selfishness, and greed as well as lust. And I would propose that “hell” in this context is simply living in an ongoing inability to see others in the love of God. When we see only hatred and prejudice, we’ve created our own hell here on earth. Where there is no love, it must be hell.

If we are to live with sacred intent, we need to learn to see things differently.

We need to learn to see that all people are created in the image of God, that they are the reflection of an eternal and everlasting God Who created all things from love and in love. People may wear their wounds on the outside, or keep them well hidden inside, but each person is a reflection of the image of a Holy God.

We need to learn to see with the eyes of hearts that have been broken with love for a world gone awry; a world lost and frightened and out of control.

We need to learn to see beyond the obvious, below the surface of things, behind the walls where people hide their pain and heartaches, underneath the color of the skin, beyond the superficial to the beauty within.

We need to learn to see with eyes of love and not of judgment. For I believe no one can love someone and judge them at the same time; if so - then I suggest it is not really love, but merely a clanging symbol (as Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13).

We need to learn to see that tattooed teen as an image of the Holy God; that homeless lady as the image of the Holy God; that biker-guy as an image of the Holy God; each screaming person at that rally as the image of the Holy God. It takes effort and intention to learn to see differently, to see with holy eyes. It’s not easy; but then, nothing worthwhile is.

Do you see the hard edges of a vase? Or two lovers about to kiss? I pray we will learn to see love first, and maybe the vase later.

*Not his real name.