The Toxic Swamp of Regrets
It’s 3:00 am, and I am suddenly awake, sitting bolt upright, eyes wide, heart pounding, sweaty palmed, anxious and panicked, that dream image fading into black. My friend Denise calls this 3:00 am jolt in the dark the “wolfing hour” - a time when our darkest selves reach out to touch us with the panic of what might yet be, or looking back, to replay some tableau from the past, wrapping us in fear, anxiety and often- regret.
I don’t like regret - who does? Regret is a toxic swamp of destructive emotions that preys upon our minds and hearts. As a follower of Jesus, it seems so pointless - this regret of things once done, words once said. Regret won’t take back those harsh words spoken, or that hard, self-righteous stare. Regret won’t wipe away anger lashed out, won’t undo neglect, has no place in setting my heart right with God. If regret cannot help me on this journey with Jesus, why do I sometimes find myself at 3:00 am, stewing in the toxicity of that swamp?
Why? I believe it’s because regret is satan’s tool. He uses regret to distract us from moving forward, to keep us stuck in self-pity and self-recrimination. He is the master deceiver, the father of all lies, and it is his goal to keep us from living the lives we’ve been created to live, to keep us from becoming who we were meant to be. Satan not only distracts, but if he can get us to wallow in the self-pity of past mistakes, making sure we don’t forget our failures, our short-comings, and all the ways we’ve let others down and disappointed them, he’ll keep us mired in that swamp of regret, and he’ll succeed in preventing us from being all that we’ve been created to be.
In order to wallow in regret, we must look backwards, which is where things start to fall apart. In order to understand this, let’s look at Genesis, and Lot’s wife, forever remembered as a pillar of salt. In Genesis 19, Lot and his family are saved from the coming destruction of Sodom. The angels of the Lord appear to Lot and tell him what is about to happen to Sodom; Sodom is going to go up in flames, and he and his family need to get out - NOW. As these angels are trying to get Lot away, Lot hesitates, not wanting to leave his comfortable home: “But he hesitated. So the men seized his hand and the hand of his wife and the hands of his two daughters, for the compassion of the LORD was upon him; and they brought him out, and put him outside the city”. (v. 16)
Such was the urgency of the angels of God to get Lot out of the city, that they told him, “Escape for your life! Do not look behind you, and do not stay anywhere in the valley; escape to the mountains, or you will be swept away.” (v.17) Yet, as we know, Lot’s wife did stop and look back- and she was turned to a pillar of salt. She remained forever paralyzed in the valley.
Looking behind us when we are running for our lives can be paralyzing. Putting Lot’s wife’s outright disobedience aside for a moment, notice that this was very much about God’s compassion for Lot and his family in this dramatic scene; there was not a moment to lose, and clearly haste was being called for - demanded, in fact! There was no time to look back, no time to be sentimental about all that was being lost and destroyed. The Lord’s compassion was all about saving Lot and his family from destruction, and He could not wait for Lot and his family’s dilly-dallying in sentimental gazing upon the past glory of their lives. There was no turning back; no photo albums to take along, no last minute mementos. It was time to get out - NOW. Lot’s wife’s inability to keep her eyes ahead and her feet moving forward according to God’s plan paralyzed her, ultimately preventing her from reaching the safe haven God set aside for them.
Although our city may not be burning, we, too, may be called to leave the past behind as God symbolically sets it ablaze. When we are called forward by God, He wants us to keep our eyes ahead, our feet moving forward on the path. Our past sins, our transgressions, our mistakes- we are not to turn back and look upon them. God is burning them up and wiping them away, and it is not for us to turn back and look longingly upon what once was. Doing so turns us into immovable pillars of salt; we become paralyzed with fear, with regret and become unable to move forward - even when God is providing us with a way out. Sometimes looking back is a deadly endeavor.
Paul, in his letter to the Romans, makes a very important distinction about the past - specifically by omitting the past altogether. See what he has to say about God’s love: “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Rom. 8:38-39.
Note how Paul does not include “things past...”. He lists the things present and things to come as unable to separate us from the love of God - but the past? He skips right over that, and I don’t think this was a mistake. I believe Paul intentionally omitted the past, knowing it has the potential to paralyze us, getting us stuck in the quagmire of regret. Living our lives constantly looking backwards to our past failures and shortcomings - this will surely separate us from God’s love - not because Papa can’t love us wherever we are, but because we are so focused on the regrets of the past, we miss the grace and hope and blessing of our present and future. Satan wins when we are looking backwards. Like Lot’s wife, we become hardened and immoveable, unable to see the way out, the way to eternal life, and to our Papa’s love. His love is what will see us through to the end, and it’s all we need to focus on.
Paul also shows us the way out of the swamp: “…but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead…” (Phil. 3:13.) We forget what is past, and reach forward to the future, to what lies ahead. Looking ahead, we pray into our future, trusting that God, Who is Supreme over all, will forgive all of our sins - even those filthy ones sitting at the bottom of that swamp. His love covers it all, lifting us out of the swamp, and setting us back on the road to our glorious future.
As Jesus Himself said, “Allow the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:60). Our instructions are clear. Don’t look back. Go forward and proclaim joy and love.