Love for Today; Hope for Tomorrow

This blog post is dedicated to Kent.  We aren’t exchanging gifts (haven’t done the “Anniversary Gift” thing in many years), but 45 married years deserves at least a passing nod, a public acknowledgement of an amazing milestone with an amazing man.

Today Kent and I are celebrating our 45th anniversary.  45 years of married bliss, you say?  Well, it sounds good on a Hallmark card, but there’s really no such thing.  Love? yes - but surely we know it’s not all bliss!  more like “45 years of hope in tomorrow”.  For I’ve learned one thing is sure:, marriage is not only about love, and commitment and loyalty. It’s about hope.

I marvel at the passage of time, ...and how is it possible that we’ve reached such a time as this? How could this be? I feel like I walked down the aisle with my mom and dad just yesterday.

I could say it’s because we were madly in love when we married at 19, (and we still love deeply, if not madly) - but I learned long ago that romantic love isn’t enough to keep a marriage going through the mess of life. 

I could brag on the things we’ve done to keep our marriage interesting and fun - but I know of people who have a much grander, wackier sense of ‘fun’ than I do - and whose marriages didn’t survive. 

I could say it’s because of our stellar communication skills, but that’s so not true (for me, anyway).  I may communicate well as a professional. I can write pretty words, or turn a legal phrase, or communicate brightly to an audience of 200; but speak coherently to my husband about a deep hurt, or a desire that burns within? I’m a mess, pure and simple. Learning how to communicate on a primal level with the man who’s shared my life since my high school days has been a learned behavior, a reaching into a different and sometimes scarier part of myself. I can’t say my communication prowess set us up for a long and loving marriage. We’ve survived in spite of my tied tongue.

I could say it’s because we are Christ-followers, because we are committed to the furnace-fired truth of marriage and faithfulness and loyalty; but that wouldn’t explain the dozens of people I know who are just like me, with faith stronger and more vibrant, who’ve suffered the searing, gut-deep pain of divorce.  I don’t think I know a single divorced person who hasn’t been left wounded, scarred, and limping with the pain of rejection, heartache and loss.

So what DO I say about celebrating 45 years of walking beside the love of my life? 

I can say that, as I look back, I consider myself to be the most blessed among women.  Pure and simple,  The longevity of this married couple is nothing short of an amazing and glorious blessing from God Himself.  I can say that, in looking back and even in the knowing of the hard times and the hurts and the loud clanging of angry words, or the sometimes stone silence of my hard heart - even in all that, I’d do nothing differently, except maybe try to love more. Deeper than. Wider than. More completely than.   And I can say that the way to get to 45 years is one tomorrow at a time, hoping in that tomorrow so that I can make it to the next tomorrow, because in every tomorrow, there is hope. 

And - I have no regrets; I’ve learned to love better today that I did at 19 - and that says something.  It says that hanging in for the long haul is worth it. It says that there is value in putting one’s stake in the ground and vowing - yes - vowing, making a sacred promise before God Himself - that no matter what, the life and heart of this man is worth everything to me, and in the end, there is no greater love story than the one that we’ve written together. With our hands clasped. With feet sure on the same path. With hearts in tune for the love we share for today; and in the hope we share for tomorrow.