Hand in Hand; Heart to Soul

I have a friend.  She’s a dear, dear friend, and we’ve walked heart to soul together for more than 20 years.  If I were in junior high, I’d say “BFF”,  but I’ve learned that people in our lives come and go, and the quality of a friendship isn’t in the labels we put on people, like “BFF” or “best friend” or “bestie”.  The words that are used to describe special, long-standing friendships change with the years, but the qualities inherent in a deep and abiding friendship never change.

And I have several very good friends - some of whom wear the label “best” off and on.  Some friends carry a special label, like my high school friends. They will never age or go out of style.  We share the bond of adolescence, and we’ve survived.  And we continue as friends of a special kind. 

Some friends have walked close for a few months or a few years, and then life and circumstance sift them out and blow them away like leaves on a tree, or dried petals on a bloom.  But the scent of their presence remains through the years.

Sometimes a friendship no longer “fits”, and no matter how much you pull and tug at the relationship, it just doesn’t lie smooth. It’s too short, it sags in the middle, it pulls around the shoulder.  Although it once was a perfect fit, she has changed; he’s moved on; I’ve gained the weightiness of years. Life has altered the drape and flow of the friendship. It’s simply best, sometimes, to walk away quietly, blessing them and treasuring the memories.

Some friends remain for a season, to provide wisdom and encouragement for a time; for you to guide her or him through a difficult and tempestuous season in their life: a divorce, a death, a difficult work situation. And once the season has ended, there remains the warm glow of a relationship that once produced deep wells of satisfaction - but again - we change, we evolve, and we drift apart, the friendship leaving a heart-print of wisdom and love.

And I do not speak of spouses.  That relationship is set apart from friendship; it is special and unique, it is “more than”.  My husband and I have shared life together intimately for over 45 years, with deep and abiding love that surely includes a dimension of friendship. But a spousal relationship is always colored by the fact that the two are joined together as one.  Our future is as one, far beyond the realm of friendship.  With a spouse, one promises to love and to cherish, “till death do us part”.  In friendship, there is no such covenant - unless the friendship itself matures into a bond of long-lasting devotion and commitment.  Friendships, in my mind, are far more fragile, because in the end? We can simply walk away.

You see, this friend?  She loves deep and sure.  She speaks truth when it must be spoken; gives mercy when it’s hard; expresses love in all ways. We have walked together through the best of times, as well as through the difficult ones; the shattering loss of a marriage; the abandonment of people we thought close friends; our children’s first steps into adulthood, with the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly - all that parenting entails.  We have held each other’s heart while we watched our parents age, sicken, shrivel, and die.  We share our dreams and our hopes; our fears, sorrows and frustrations.   

And best of all, we share the same deep, abiding faith in God, sharing not only our love for Jesus, but our questions, our struggles, the tearful questions when things don’t go as we think they should; and our celebrations when our prayers are answered.  There is something sacred about the sharing of heart to soul where God is at the center. There is no room for “me” in such a sharing; it’s about God, about His world, about the “other”. It is humbling, yet uplifting.  Sharing faith brings a friendship into a new dimension, a holy realm. 

And so my blog today is dedicated to this friend who noticed I hadn’t blogged in a VERY long time, and called me to task for this neglect, and spoke words of truth in love.  She put my proverbial feet to the fire, and rallied round me, refusing to entertain my excuses and pulling me forth into a new resolve. She knows me well enough to know what is truth and what is excuse. She’s wise enough to know when to push, and when to hug.  The reasons I took an  unintended hiatus from writing this blog are no longer relevant, but her rallying cry to return to the writing of this blog because she “missed my words” was just what the doctor ordered, and so it is fitting that my first blog upon my return is dedicated to her and her words of truth, spoken in love.

This is to her and to all friendships, no matter the kind.  Each is precious, each is necessary, and we are all blessed to call at least one person “friend”.  I pray such a blessing over you this day, over and over.