Love: Hard Like a Rock

I find it fascinating that no sooner does December 25th see the setting sun than Valentine’s Day promotions and merchandising begin to pop up in every store and restaurant, and through every possible internet venue imaginable. Restaurants promote that “special romantic dinner”; all manner of stores and internet sales folks advertise that perfect romantic gift; jewelers display the glittering glitz of jewels to bedazzle a dearly beloved one. Christmas trees and white-bearded Santas magically morph into bright red hearts and scantily-clad cupids. Interestingly, the message remains the same for December 25th or February 14th: true love is best shown with a fancy dinner, a pretty package, an expensive gift. No wonder love is so misunderstood. I’m not sure how the measure of a person’s love became wrapped up in presents and bows [pun intended!], but the truth of how love is seen, felt and evaluated has nothing to do with a beautiful gift. It is often ugly and hard as a rock.

We’ve forgotten the meaning of true love- if we ever knew it to begin with. The deep, soul-changing love I’m talking about is not romantic in the least. True love, the kind that lasts through the years, is hard. Hard like a rock.

This deep abiding love I’m talking about? It is rarely pretty or sweet. It certainly isn’t gentle, or it would never survive what life throws its way. Deep, honest, life-changing love has nothing to do with fancy red hearts, lacy valentines, or romantic candlelight dinners. Not so much. The kind of love that lasts more than a couple of weeks or years? that lasts even longer than a couple of decades? That kind of love? It is often inconvenient, painful, lonely, ugly. And that kind of love makes very poor advertising for romance, and so we continue to be misled and misinformed.

The kind of love that lasts must be hard like a rock because we are such fallible and broken people. We are the walking wounded - each of us, and in order for us to not only survive - but thrive - we’ll need to come to an honest understanding of what love really is, or we’ll remain wounded and broken. For you see, loving true and loving well? Well, that is probably one of the most difficult things we’ll ever be called to do.

For love - real love - is selfless. It puts another ahead of me. It puts my needs second and third, and tenth and fiftieth. When I love another, I am never first - and in this modern society of “me”, self-promotion and instant gratification, that is a hard thing to swallow.

Simplicity in life involves the love of others before the love of me. It’s a simple rule, but hard. Hard like a rock.

As wives and husbands, we meet the needs of our spouses, putting their needs and desires before our own. We reach outside our comfort zones and do what needs to be done, even when it’s dark and cold and lonely. We meet the needs of our family, even though we are working full-time or going to school. We make lunches, cook meals, do laundry. We ferry children to the doctor and the dentist and the orthodontist and sports and dance lessons and play dates because we love. We work past the point of exhaustion because we love. We may look tired and worn and wrinkled with worry, but we do what is needed because we love. Those who love hard know that although it isn’t easy or pretty, true love is always worth it.

Simplicity in life involves the love of others before the love of me. Love that is rock hard balances the checkbook of an aging parent, fixes their meals, changes their clothes. That kind of love goes to their house in the middle of the night because they heard a “strange noise”, and we calm them down. That kind of love visits them in a memory care unit, answering the same questions over and over, because we love.

Simplicity in life involves the love of others before the love of me. That kind of love speaks kindly with a frustrating co-worker, reaches out to a grieving sibling who just miscarried. That kind of love brings the casserole you made this morning for your family to the neighbor whose father just died, and serves up grilled cheese to the kids - because love is hard. That kind of love sits up with a friend late into the night whose addicted son was just arrested; reaches out to another struggling with depression and heartache. Love is messy. It is inconvenient, exhausting and difficult. True love is rock hard.

True love? it is not red hearts or lacy cards or a romantic dinner by candlelight - though sometimes, it might be those things. It is hard as granite, strong as stone, lasting as the mountains.

I don’t think it’s any coincidence that divorces are so common. Although the rate of divorce in 2020 hit a 50-year low, the statistics still show that nearly 50% of all first marriages will end in divorce. Why? It’s a complex sociological discussion, I’m sure. But perhaps it has much to do with how poorly we, as a society and as a culture, understand what true love really is. We just don’t “get it”, and we Christians aren’t much better than the rest. We simply struggle to understand that true love is rock hard. It is messy, complicated, difficult, unsettling. Rarely does love satisfy our needs unless we understand the true nature of the beast: love is hard. Hard like a rock.

But the good news is this: anyone who loves, who really loves, understands that ultimately, true love is the only way to live, the only way to joy and peace. True love, the rock-hard kind, builds life-relationships, one selfless act at a time. True love changes our hearts, frees our souls, makes our lives better. True loves brings us within striking distance of the sacred, the holy. True love grows within our hearts a deep-down understanding that this kind of love? The rock-hard kind? This kind of love is worth all the tears we shed, all the sleep-deprived wrinkles around our eyes, all the callouses in our work-worn hands. It is worth it because it lasts a lifetime - and beyond.

True love - rock-hard love, the kind of love that lasts a lifetime? That is the sacred love we all want. We just have to embrace the truth of it, and then practice that kind of love that lasts and lasts. Like a rock. It’s not easy. But then, nothing worthwhile is.