Numbering Our Days: Breathing One Breath at a Time

“Teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalms 90:12 NKJV

To breathe or not to breathe: is that the question?  In this 21st century hour, I think it is.  We’ve forgotten how to breathe, one breath at a time.  So consumed with the hectic madness of these days- pandemic panic, contentious elections, earth-on-fire, racial tension, economic uncertainty, we hyperventilate through the days and nights, in a fog of anxiety and worry, barely registering each day’s unfolding. We can almost hear the world shouting - “Stop the world! I want to get off”!

When we hyperventilate, we breath in and out so fast that the healthy balance between oxygen and carbon dioxide in the blood is disrupted, breathing out too much carbon dioxide and not breathing in enough oxygen. This imbalance causes our blood vessels to constrict, as our bodies struggle to maintain that perfect balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide. If not corrected, it leads to lightheadedness, dizziness - and eventual unconsciousness.   A lot like a hyper-life; we dash madly from one thing to another, frantically doing more and more in the search to be more, always reaching up and out, not satisfied with the “here” or “now”. This hyper-life disrupts the balance in our lives; we become dizzy and lightheaded with the effort, with the pace - and eventually we “pass out”… from exhaustion, mental stress, fear, hopelessness, and despair.  Hyperventilation is not good; neither is hyper-life.  We need to learn how to breathe again.  One breath at a time.

The Psalmist puts it this way: “Teach us to number our days ...” 

There’s much written in numerous blogs and books that may seem to say the same thing: "mindful living"; "being mindful", "living in the moment";  "being present".  But only in this interesting proposal by the psalmist to God on how to number our days do we have a promise back from Him: if we will number our days; if we will live with holy intention, with sacred purpose, He will then return to us a heart of wisdom.  There's incredible beauty in that. If we will number our days, then each one slows down, gifting us with time now measured in perfect balance, delicately poised with grace between breathing in. Breathing out. And from that, God says, we will learn wisdom; the breathing in and out in measured intention will unwrap for us revelation and knowledge and understanding - often of the deeper things that matter most.

The gift of time is one of our greatest gifts - ask anyone with a fatal diagnosis; ask their spouse or child or best friend. Time is precious and irreplaceable, and we are allotted only so much of it, and then it is gone. Recently, my best friend of 35 years passed away. It was sudden, unexpected, swift and final - and in my tears, I was left wondering how I would complete all the things we promised we’d do “when we retired”; the knitting cruise, or one more knitting weekend in New Hampshire; the trip to Alaska. We didn’t spend anytime together this spring and summer due to COVID, and suddenly - she was gone. All our plans, our promises for “that day” evaporated in a mist of grief and sadness. If anything, her quick departure from this world gave me many moments to consider how I’d been numbering my own days. I think it is those of us who are left behind who are often most struck by how quickly life can turn; how swiftly our departure from this life can be. Even if one is ill but still here on this earth - the question remains; how will I best use the time I’ve left? How to live with the intention of numbering my days, of gaining a heart of wisdom? What does it mean to “number our days”?

Think of when you need to count out anything: coins, for example. Counting, or “numbering” requires our attention. We focus on each coin, and its worth in terms of the monetary value. We might move each coin from one side of a table to another as we make a conscious note of the coin; we might sort them out by value and then mentally add the values of the coins until we’ve achieved an answer - often that being the total value of all the coins. We don’t glance quickly at all the coins to “number” them; we might do that if we are estimating - but there’s no accuracy in that, no wisdom in relying upon our estimate for the true value and worth of those coins. In the same way, numbering our days requires us to slow down, and “number” or take note of each element in the day that grabs our attention, that causes the day to slow down and take on meaning. Much like a handful of coins, we’ll never know the true worth of a day unless we’ve taken the time to “count” the value of the experience, of the moment, to “hold it in our hands”, as it were, to savor, to understand.

To number our days is to intentionally take in each breath more slowly, more intentionally; see with purpose, move with hope. We breathe in the beauty of the day, and breathe out the peace it brings. Numbering our days brings us an awareness of time, and of the blessings that come in each moment, each day. We “number our days” by noting the sunrise and sunset, which are God’s perfect bookends to each day. We gaze at the moon and stars that remind us of God’s sheer immense-ness; the overwhelming vastness of His creation. We make a point to breathe in the wonder of a delicate mother-of-pearl dawn, or to lean into the purple passion of evening settling in around the earth like a warm, fuzzy blanket. Numbering our days means to learn to walk more slowly, move more slowly, embracing what each moment brings - even the difficult moments. It is counting out the coins of “moments”, and at the end of the day, tallying up the vast worth of the day just spent.

When we have slowed down; when we have learned to measure the day in sweet moments strung together like a string of pearls, when our breaths are slow, even, filled with peace - what then? Ah! Then- God fulfills His promise: He grants us a heart of wisdom. Life begins to unwrap for us the precious jewels of experience savored in each element of life we call “time”. Our minds, no longer frenetically reaching out to grab more, now settle into the rhythm of our slow breathing, satisfied and content with what is in hand. We discover who we are underneath the scrambled mess of hyper-life.

Numbering our days; it’s a luscious approach to life, one that is not perfect, but that provides the full blessings of breathing in and out - one breath at a time. It makes all the difference.